Becoming a Mother Changed Who I am.

A culture shock from Japanese parenting to American parenting

By Aki S.
Edited by Adora Du

As a Japanese mother of four beautiful blessings, one of the most astonishing differences hit me even before I gave birth to my first child. As soon as we announced that we were becoming parents, many of my American friends who were already parents approached me with supportive guidance, hoping it would help me as much as it helped them when they first became pregnant. They looked straight in my eyes and said, “You will be Shana even after you become a mom. You will become a mother but you will always be Shana. Don’t you lose that.” 

Sure enough, my Western friends still call me “Shana” even after being a mom for over 10 years! This might seem obvious if you grew up in a more Westernized culture like America, but as someone born and raised in Japan, this was a culture shock I never even considered.

Having a child is not just a massive life change, it is a huge identity change for every mother in any culture. But in addition to that, in Japan, you are no longer known as "Shana" once you have a child. Amongst other parents, you are referred to exclusively as "Aiden's mother". In many ways in Eastern cultures, becoming a mother is not an additional identity you gain, it is a new identity you become.

This phenomenon shifts the mother’s sense of self and identity, as part of who she is becomes directly tied to the existence of another person or being. In turn this also impacts the child’s conceptualization of identity. If Aiden constantly hears his mother being referred to as “Aiden’s Mother”, this means anytime he hears someone referring to his mother, he will hear his own name tied to her’s. As this happens across different settings, on the playground, at school, in the neighborhood, and so on, it becomes ingrained in Aiden that not only is his mother a significant person in his life, she is a part of his life and who he is in the society he lives in.

Cultural neuroscience studies have suggested that these differences in the concept of the self between East Asian and Western cultures have a biological basis to them. A study conducted by Zhu et al. in 2007 looked at brain activation with a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) machine when Chinese and Western participants thought about themself, their mother, and a stranger in a lab activity. The study results suggested that while both the Chinese and Western participants showed medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC) activation when thinking of themselves, the MPFC - the same area of the brain to the “self” - was also shown to be active when Chinese participants thought about their mothers! 

The shift in identity from becoming “Shana” to “Aiden’s mother” is therefore not only a fascinating cultural phenomenon, it is also a prime example of fundamental Eastern and Western cultural differences in how one’s identity is formed and conceptualized. 

If you grew up in a Western country such as America, you likely were raised upon values of developing independence, differentiating yourself from those around you, and seeking uniqueness. It is no wonder then why a therapist’s suggestion to cease contact with an overburdening parent is logical, and often effective intervention to reduce distress. In the West, you are your own person, and protecting yourself comes first, even if it costs you a valuable relationship.

Conversely, in Eastern countries like Japan, many individuals will find that setting clear boundaries in their closest social relationships is not only inconceivable, it is simply not a consideration at all. In the East, you are the people around you. Your closest others are literally a part of the concept of “you”, who you are, and your sense of identity.

Collectivist and Individualist cultures are not at odds with each other, nor is one better than the other. There is functionality in the way an individual relates to the culture and society around them. Highlighting these cultural differences in the mental health field provides clinicians - and just society in general - an avenue to explore how we can personalize mental health care to better fit one’s values and needs. 

So where can we go from here? How can the mental health field improve our services in the U.S where we embrace such a wide range of diversity? 

Having awareness of these integral differences between collectivist and individualistic cultures is the start, not the end, of fostering cultural inclusivity. Mental health training programs, degrees, and governing bodies such as the American Counseling Association (ACA) may consider requiring a course on multicultural perspectives if they have not already. Importantly, a course that broadly discusses multiculturalism is not enough if you consider the depth of the issues we face in the mental health field. The key is explaining and operationalizing how cultures differ so the providers and therapists can apply to their daily practices.

True multicultural literacy looks like a therapist that can explain specific mechanisms that change how they counsel a Japanese client compared to a Swedish one. It is not feasible to have clinicians memorize the extensive details of each culture, but learning the core differences and similarities between collectivist and individualistic cultures is possible and it provides a refined foundation for how we can approach and better help individuals.

While differences may be daunting, I believe it brings hope as it gives us a way to bridge the gap of our cultural understandings.

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References

Zhu Y, Zhang L, Fan J, Han S. Neural basis of cultural influence on self representation. Neuroimage. 2007;34:1310–1317. [PubMed] [Google Scholar]

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