Asian Parenting Styles
A summary of current research and what you can do about it.
By Felicia Yap
Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Style
Research has shown that traditional Asian and Asian American parenting practices often involve high levels of control and obedience from children, with a focus on academic achievement and respect for authority. This is known as an "authoritarian" parenting style, which has been shown to be associated with negative developmental outcomes in children, such as increased stress and mental health issues.
However, some research has found that Asian and Asian American parents may also exhibit a more "authoritative" parenting style, which involves both high levels of control and high levels of warmth and responsiveness. This style has been associated with positive developmental outcomes in children.
One key aspect of traditional Asian and Asian American parenting is the concept of "filial piety," which involves total obedience and compliance of children to their parents, as well as showing respect and warmth towards them. This concept can lead to high levels of pressure and stress for children, as they are expected to always meet their parents' expectations and follow their rules.
Additionally, research has shown that Asian and Asian American parents may be less likely to express warmth and affection towards their children, as they believe that doing so will "spoil" the child or cause them to lose respect or fear for their parents. This can have negative effects on children's emotional well-being and development.
Furthermore, traditional Asian and Asian American parenting often involves strict discipline, with a focus on punishing undesired behaviors severely in order to train children to be obedient. This can lead to a lack of autonomy and control for children, as they are often not allowed much freedom or independence.
However, it is important to note that the research on Asian and Asian American parenting has largely focused on broad cultural groups, without taking into account the differences between subgroups such as Chinese, Korean, Japanese, and others. Therefore, future research should aim to develop a more comprehensive view of Asian family culture, and to create culture-specific and Asian/Asian American-focused parenting concepts and measures.
Research about Praising Children
Research has shown that traditional South Asian parenting practices often involve a reluctance to praise children, as parents believe that doing so will "spoil" the child or cause them to lose respect or fear for their parents. This can have negative effects on children's emotional well-being and development, as it can lead to a lack of affirmation and support from parents, which can in turn lead to increased stress and mental health issues.
Studies have also found that South Asian parents may be less likely to seek help for their children's mental health issues due to cultural stigma and a lack of awareness about mental health. This can prevent children from receiving the support and treatment they need, leading to worsening mental health problems.
Overall, the research on this topic highlights the importance of addressing mental health in the Asian American community, and the need for culturally sensitive and effective interventions to support South Asian parents and their families in promoting positive mental health for their children. This can include providing education and resources on the importance of praising children and expressing warmth and affection, as well as addressing cultural stigma around mental health and seeking help.
How to Better Communicate with Your Asian Parents:
Understand and respect the cultural values and beliefs of your parents.
Communicate openly and honestly with your parents. Try to approach these discussions in a calm and respectful manner, and listen actively to your parents' perspective.
Seek support from other Asian American individuals or organizations. These resources can also be a great way to connect with others who may have similar experiences and challenges.
Educate yourself about mental health and its importance. Many Asian parents may not be familiar with mental health or its importance, so it can be helpful to educate yourself about the topic.
Consider seeking professional help, therapists, support groups, etc.
If you grew up in a household where feelings and emotions are typically kept hidden, it can be difficult to start conversations about mental health with your Asian parents. Here are some suggestions for how to approach these conversations:
Respect and understand their cultural values and beliefs.
Start with small steps. If you are feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to start with small steps and gradually build up to more difficult conversations. For example, you could start by talking about the importance of self-care and healthy habits, and then move on to discussing specific mental health issues or concerns.
Use examples to illustrate your points. Examples: sharing stories or experiences of individuals who have struggled with mental health issues, or discussing how mental health affects people in your community or culture.
Avoid confrontation and criticism. In many Asian cultures, confrontation and criticism are seen as disrespectful and unacceptable. Instead of arguing or criticizing your parents, try to express your feelings and concerns in a non-confrontational way.
Be patient and understanding. It may take time for your parents to understand and accept the importance of mental health.
Consider seeking professional help.
Conversation Starters with Parents:
Conversing with parents can sometimes be challenging, particularly if you come from different cultural backgrounds. To help facilitate communication with Asian parents, you could try using some of the following conversation starters:
Ask about their cultural traditions and beliefs. Asian cultures have a rich history and diversity of customs and beliefs.
Ask about their experiences growing up. Asking about their experiences can help to deepen your understanding of their values and beliefs.
Ask for their advice or guidance. Asian parents often place a strong emphasis on the importance of respect for authority and wisdom. Asking for their advice or guidance can show respect and can also provide valuable insights.
Ask about their hopes and dreams for their children. Many Asian parents have high expectations for their children and are deeply invested in their education and future success. Asking about their hopes and dreams for their children can help to understand their priorities and values.
Ask your parents about their own experiences with emotions and communication. Many Asian parents may have grown up in a culture where expressing emotions was not encouraged or was considered taboo. By asking your parents about their own experiences, you can gain insight into their perspective and better understand their beliefs and values.
Share your feelings and emotions in a direct, respectful way. Many Asian American children may feel that they have to hide their emotions or keep them to themselves in order to avoid conflict or disappointment. However, it is important to communicate your feelings openly and honestly in order to foster healthy communication and relationships. Be direct and clear.
The key to successful communication is to listen actively and show interest and respect for the other person's perspective.
